Mental wealth means thinking, speaking, and acting beyond limitations.

In 1999, as a young and inexperienced 

lawyer at a prominent law firm in Texas, I found myself navigating the complexities of multimillion-dollar transactions and real estate deals. Fresh from obtaining my master's in corporate law, I was thrust into a world of high-stakes negotiations and sophisticated clientele. Despite the prestige and the seemingly glamorous dinners with clients and attorneys, I felt out of place, overshadowed by a sense of not belonging.

Surrounded by a sea of faces, most of whom didn't look like me, I grappled with feelings of inadequacy and alienation. As one of the few black women in a predominantly white, high-pressure environment, I believed that feeling out of place was inevitable. This belief, rooted in my perception of race and societal norms, clouded my experience, hindering my ability to see beyond the default emotional responses that had become my reality. Despite these challenges, I managed to stay at the firm for a few years, but my tenure was marked by a persistent sense of discomfort and unease.

Upon reflection, I realized that my feelings were the greatest barriers to my success and happiness at the firm. At the time, I was unaware that I had the power to reshape these feelings, to redefine my experience irrespective of race, history, or assumed societal roles. While I gained valuable legal expertise, the most profound lesson I learned was about emotional self-agency: the realization that I have the authority to define how situations and environments affect me.

Today, I possess a compass that guides how I choose to feel about the human condition, racial dynamics, my profession, and our broader culture and society. Embracing this approach to owning and directing my feelings is straightforward in concept, yet challenging in practice. It requires patience with oneself, empathy towards others, and respect for the person I aspire to be.

The feelings that have traditionally permeated many people's lives are often not the feelings they genuinely desire. Yet, many feel powerless to change them, constrained by societal narratives and historical contexts. They believe that their feelings are predetermined by their race, background, or circumstances. However, this mindset is an artifact of a bygone era, not a mandate for the present.

You have the power to redefine how you feel by aligning your emotions with your dreams, aspirations, and the person you wish to become. As you embark on this journey of self-transformation, you not only become a better version of yourself but also inspire others to realize that their improved selves are within reach, guided by the power of their own feelings.

Navigating Feelings in Five Steps

1. Invent a Meaningful Feeling: Begin by creating a feeling that's worth experiencing, accompanied by a narrative that's compelling and a personal impact that's significant.

2. Design and Integrate Your Feelings: Shape your emotions to resonate deeply with your true self. Build these feelings into every facet of your life, ensuring they align with your authentic identity and aspirations.

3. Craft Your Emotional Narrative: Weave a story around your chosen feelings that harmonizes with your innermost dreams and aspirations. This narrative should reflect the experiences you desire and the person you aim to become.

4. Believe in Your New Feelings: This challenging step involves embracing your new emotional states, even when your current reality seems to contradict them. It's about trusting in the power of these feelings to reshape your life.

5. Consistent Emotional Presence: The most crucial step is to consistently embody these new feelings over time. Show up every day as the embodiment of these emotions, allowing your life to gradually align with them. Grant yourself the freedom to develop and refine your emotional landscape, and observe as your reality shifts to mirror these internal changes.

This Is Feeling: An Executive Summary

Feelings that dominate, win. They drive change, from subtle shifts in self-perception to delivering personal and relevant messages that align with how you envision the world.

Individuals who master their feelings don't just react to others; they chart new emotional courses to navigate their own challenges. They understand that others may want them to feel a certain way for their own benefit, so they critically assess their emotional reactions to life’s events, ensuring these feelings align with their personal life goals.

Seth Godin, in "This is Marketing," states, “At the heart of our culture is our belief in status, in our self-perceived understanding of our role in any interaction, and in where we're going next.” Similarly, just as a business decides its market position, individuals must decide who they want to be through their feelings. These decisions set our internal status roles, guiding where to go, who to be, and how to get there. Our feelings narrate our stories, whether self-authored or imposed by others.

Persistent, consistent, and frequent stories, aligned with our mindset, manifest in how we use our attention, trust, and actions. Directing and owning our feelings is akin to direct marketing to ourselves while building our personal brand.

"People like us feel like this" is how we understand who we are and who we are deciding to be in this world. Our feelings are the tools with which we create ourselves.

Feelings move through a slope: they capture our initial attention, embed deeply in our subconscious, and then manifest in our external lives. Sometimes.

Managing our feelings is crucial as they set our focus. Our brains are cluttered with noise, necessitating intentional management of our feelings. Smart emotional management ensures our feelings work for us, not against us. We direct our feelings to support our aspirations, not our frustrations. What story are your feelings telling about you? Is it your story, or one dictated by society and others?

Consider entities like Gucci, created with human-like qualities, capable of influencing feelings. Gucci's creators decided who they wanted to be in the marketplace and what they wanted others to feel. They used marketing to craft their image, and over time, people began to feel about Gucci what its creators intended. It's not the purse itself, but the feelings associated with it that we desire. Just as these brands have crafted their image, we, too, can shape our emotional narrative. Once you realize you can create the feeling regardless of the purse you carry, you start experiencing the essence of luxury, potentially attracting the actual product if that aligns with your desires.

What emotions did Gucci conjure up in your attachment to their products?

You are your own product or service. What feelings are you conjuring up about who you are and can be? Your tactics can make a difference, but your strategy—your commitment to a way of feeling—is how you begin to tell your story.

Essential Insights About Your Feelings

1. The Power to Change: You have the ability to change your feelings. You can start right now, and the potential for transformation is greater than you might imagine.

2. Self-Focus Over External Approval: You cannot change how others feel about you; therefore, asking, "Who am I feeling this for?" helps you focus on your own belief in your feelings, rather than seeking external validation.

3. Intentional Emotional Shifts: Change in feelings is most effective when made with intent. Asking yourself, "Why do I want to feel this?" is crucial in making meaningful emotional adjustments.

4. We Are Our Stories: Human beings are natural storytellers. The stories we tell ourselves, and consequently feel, are our personal truths. Attempting to persuade ourselves or others otherwise is often futile.

5. The Influence of Emotional Narratives: Our stories, imbued with emotion, can lead to stereotyping or grouping based on the common narratives we share. These emotional stories shape our decisions, perceptions, and potential.

6. The Primacy of Personal Feelings: What you say is important, but not as crucial as what you feel. Similarly, what others say about you pales in comparison to what you feel about yourself. The real challenge lies in recognizing that our feelings are often shaped by external narratives and taking the bold step to direct and create new, empowering emotional responses.